It’s been a rough year, y’all. The end of my marriage has taken everything from me and it took me letting go to find renewal. It is easy to be bitter and allow that anger to fester. It hurts so much. The shattered pieces of my life are finally becoming a mosaic of a new beginning.
I’m not here to say it will be easy because it isn’t. I’m here to tell you it’s possible. It is possible to feel normal, strong, and empowered. It is possible to be happy even as a divorced mother. You need yourself. I am not saying that I am not lonely and that I don’t wish things were different between my husband and I.
I went from being a stay at home mom to a divorced mom of 3. I am well educated so I benefited from having that already in place but the key was finding a job that would allow me ample time with my children. They are all under the age of 10. I went back to my career as an educator through the substitution pool. When I was a stay at home mom, we lived off a single income but unfortunately I had to relearn how to live off an income that is significantly less than what I was used to.
As I said, it isn’t easy. I am thankful that I have my mother and that she opened her home to us. We may be all cramped in a tiny home but we all love each other. Life after separation takes work. As divorced spouses, we need to take time for us to heal and refocus on our lives.
Here is what I have learned in my year of separation and soon to be divorce.
1. You will say hurtful things to one another unless it’s an amicable separation. It may take a few months for you to be civil (it did for me) but with children involved it is better to learn how to polite. I’m still learning this since I was still in love with my husband when he decided to file for divorce.
2. Don’t jump into another serious relationship. Divorce is the dissolving of a joined way of life. You need time to heal, in my opinion, before you become seriously involved with another person.
3. Make time for you! This is a hard one especially as a mother. We have to carve out time for ourselves to be with other adults. I spend my Saturdays playing tennis and eating breakfast tacos with one of my amigas.
4. Routines. Routines are very important when you are divorced and working. I have 3 little people to get ready plus myself every morning. My older two are pretty organized but it is always hectic in the mornings and in the evenings.
5. Learn to Organize and Save. This is a biggie. Organization will save you as will saving your money, ladies and gents. With one income in play, you may have some huge penny pinching in your future. I am working on this everyday.
I hope this helps someone because I know that some days I just want to sit and cry. Other days, I am so happy. All that matters is that you come back from divorce a stronger person. I finally forgive my husband because our divorce is as much my fault as it is his. I don’t want to hold onto that animosity because this is the man that I had my wonderful children with. He is and always will be part of their lives. We are connected always and the love I have for him is still there. But, every day I try to move on a little more.