A Need to Create

I have a need to create. My mind moves from one form to another in an effort to gain them all. I can’t focus on one instead I want them all. Impossible, unnatural. Is it a deep seeded notion of becoming more connected to something or someone? I only feel like me when I am knee deep in something. It could be working outside, writing a short story, making a bracelet or rosary.Image

It is an obsession to get something out into the world for eveyone to see. A chance to know that I created something beautiful. We each want to realize our own self worth since it is the hardest thing to obtain. Self worth is a fragile, shriveled up notion that lays dormat in my head. Years of battling against what I should do has worn my self worth down to nubs.

“When are you going back to school?”

“You are going to be barefoot and pregnant, is that what you want?”

“When are you going back to work?”

“Writing isn’t a real job.”

The list goes on and on, each one chiseling a crack into my foundation. Each one making me feel less like a “professional” and more like a failure. I choose to stay home. No one forced me and you know what I LOVE IT! Yeah, I said it.

Now I am judged by those who are astonished by the fact I hold a BA and choose to stay home. I am not one to pass judgements.This was a personal choice and it has led me into some interesting avenues. Interesting choices. Here is to never being normal.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “A Need to Create

  1. Jessica, love this post. I can definitely relate to the feeling of having to create something or wanting to do it all to feel connected and feel like myself. If I am not involved in an organization or project I don’t know what to do with myself. I applaud you for not letting society dictate what you “should” be doing. Normal is overrated. I’m glad I came across your blog!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s