Dating in general feels like a game of Guess Who most of the time. Dating while divorced feels like a post apocalyptic or dystopian novel.
I am insecure, vulnerable, and did I mention that I have 3 kids under 10. My ex has already moved on so there is no hope for reconciliation. In fact, he decided to post his obligatory FB engagement announcement. It doesn’t hurt (yes, it does who am I kidding).
It hurts more because I am sitting here thinking about how un-dateable I am.
Am I too fat?
Am I not intelligent enough?
Will I ever find a man who will embrace my children?
Plus the best one of all:
“What is wrong with me?”
That is the question I ask myself the most.
But, after my last heart crushing encounter with a person I thought was a contender I began to think about these questions instead.
Do I want to rush dating because I am lonely?
Do I rush dating because society looks down on a single woman who has 3 kids?
Do I rush dating because it is what is expected?
My last dating encounter about 6 months ago has taught me that time is a precious commodity and I have to be careful who I spend it on.
Not everyone is worthy of time because that is time I am taking away from my children,my job,and myself to include you in my life. People get busy but there is no way you are busier than I am especially when we work the same type of job. I soon realized that I was being blown off.
My frail, barely revived ego took another hit. The insecurities soon followed which are probably the main reason our fledgling relationship ended.
I was ghosted and you know what it sucked. It sucks because I still have to interact with this person. It sucks because I thought we were adults. A conversation or even a “Hey, it isn’t going to work out” would have been awesome but no.
Instead, I am stuck playing out scenarios of what I could have done wrong while simultaneously hoping they will call me like a sad, in real life Rom-Com.
Basically, dating is tough. I think I am going to sit out a few rounds for a while because honestly even after two years of separation my heart isn’t ready. I have to heal myself before I can allow myself to be loved by someone else.
What have you done to jump back into the fray of dating?