Being a parent is one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do and mostly because these tiny min-me’s are relying on me. As a former married mom of three, the burden was less because for 1) I was a Stay at Home Mom and 2) My now ex-husband worked in the oil field.
My mom recently moved to a different city for better career opportunities and because of my lengthy divorce process I have yet to see any money owed to me by my ex-husband. I have only recently begun to get back on my feet. I am truly on my own and while gratifying it is simultanously frightening. The lack of stability makes me uneasy and sometimes overstressed. The amounts I pay just for childcare makes me cringe. I never truly knew the struggle my mother went through raising us until I had to follow her footsteps.
Even though it can be scary being a working mom of three, I have learned some tiny coping mechanisms that work for me. It isn’t perfection. It is always be a work in progress because the reality for me is that balance does not exist.
Here is how I handle being a Single, Working Mommy:
- Be Grateful
The ability to be grateful for the small things is one of the hardest things for me. I always feel as though at any moment the worst is about to happen. There is so much pressure placed on my shoulders and it is so easy for me to want to give up.
I think about the little things. The boots I bought my kids, how my rent and utilities are always current, the joy my children have when we eat dinner and play games, and of course our movie nights.
2. Don’t be so hard on myself
As a divorced parent, I am even harder on myself. But, the reality is, I am doing okay. Could I be a better parent? Yes, but we all can be.
I am doing the best that I can be in the situation that I am.
You are enough! You are surviving! You are worthy of self love!
3. Find ways to love yourself
Love yourself. You know that cliche saying “Happy Wife, Happy Life”.Pretty much “Mommy is Happy. Everyone is Happy”. Our moods reflect on our outlook. I hate when people ask me how I am. Basically, small talk. I answer with “Tired”
I am tired.I train 4-5 days a week for my powerlifting compettion, work full time, and am raising 3 children with very little monetary or parenting help (this changing though as both of us heal and come towards common ground).
Fidn what you love to do and do it. Like to blog, blog. Like to lift heavy weights…lift. Like to make your own beer…make it. Just do what makes you happy.
4. Always strive for more
Being a single mom is tough. We laud single dads but single moms are treated with disdain and labeled as money hungry. Don’t ever let anyone tell you not to do what is best for your children. I strive to be better for them. I want to grow in my career because I know I have to provide for them. I can’t settle with just being in the classroom. I have to build a side hustle…well several at this point. I can’t just be content with where I am. I don’t have that luxury and you know what it is going to be hard. So, damn harder than a married mom.
Hard, Ladies. But, the success when you reach that top is worth it. So, go back and get that degree. Get those ceritifcations.
Build, baby, build.
5. Don’t Settle
In life, with men, with clothes.
Don’t ever settle. If those in your inner circle don’t believe in your goals and dreams, let them go. They need to be your cheerleaders. We have so few support systems as single moms. Find that support.
Don’t ever settle for a SO who isn’t willing to put in the work and doesn’t put children first. Reality is our children should come first and if your SO has children their children should also be a priority.
I date but reality is I am a packaged deal. I don’t introduce anyone to my children until I know that they are serious about pursuing a real relationship. I am very careful about not shaking the fragile stability I have finally put in place.
6. Have FUN!
Your single. Have a girl’s night out for goodness sake. Don’t forget you are a person also.
We are all trying to find ourselves again.